I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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