The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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