After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
