Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
