scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
