You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize