Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
