I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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