I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
