My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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