Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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