I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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