I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
