I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
