dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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