Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
