So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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