I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
