I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
