Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
