from now on my penis is your penis
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize