he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
