Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i dont even know how to be here
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
