I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
