She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
