Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The beers last night were like the tears from god
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
