Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
