did you get engaged???
i think my mom watched the whole time
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
