I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
