just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
