Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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