my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
