I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
