I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
