Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
