If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
