If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
