Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
