4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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