Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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