Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
