When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
