you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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