I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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