shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
