Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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