these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
