Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
