he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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