wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
