His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
