You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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