why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
