I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
