Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
