he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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