you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
