I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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