I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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