What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
