Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
