Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
