If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize