It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
