Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
