I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There are leaves in my underwear?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
