someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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