Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize