Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
