bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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