Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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