Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
