u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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