man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
