Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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